


6 Tips for Dating Evan Hansen

by sochill



Series: Knowing and Being Known (in Order to Love and Be Loved) [5]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Established Relationship, First Dates, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:42:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27530950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sochill/pseuds/sochill
Summary: Jared has figured Evan out for the most part. There's still more to learn, he's sure. But he knows enough to be a proper boyfriend at least.
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Jared Kleinman
Series: Knowing and Being Known (in Order to Love and Be Loved) [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1987372
Comments: 20
Kudos: 83





	1. Don't Put Pressure on Dates. Or Anniversaries. Or Anything at All.

All plans made with Evan Hansen had to be extremely casual. If there was any pressure or expectations or any of that, he’d worry himself into a panic attack.

This was a lesson Jared learned pretty early on in their relationship. In fact, he understood it by the first date.

“Hey boyfriend.” Jared ran up and jabbed Evan in the sides.

He jumped and spun around. “Don’t do that.” He shoved Jared.

“Ahem.”

“Hi.” Evan rolled his eyes. “You know, you don’t have to call me ‘boyfriend’ just because we told everyone.”

“But it’s fun.” Jared said. “Anyway, what are you doing Friday night?”

“I don’t know. Homework?”

“Fuck that. Let’s go on a date.”

“We’ve been dating for three weeks.”

“Yes. And we’ve never been _on_ a date.” Jared leaned against the wall. “So let’s go.”

“Sure, I guess.” Evan shrugged.

“Cool.” Jared grinned. “I think we should go somewhere nice but not like super expensive because you know… poor.”

“Are we doing dinner?”

“Yeah, I figured. That’s a date thing right?”

“It is a date thing.” Evan agreed.

“Cool so I’ll pick you up tomorrow at what like, six? And we can go.”

“Sounds good.”

Jared would never admit it, _especially_ not to Evan, but he was sort of excited about their date. He’d never been on one. And although he generally thought romance was weird and annoying, he couldn’t stop himself from looking forward to dinner. It was almost irritating how doing things with Evan made them seem less dumb.

“Hello.” Jared grinned as Evan walked up the next morning. “Today is the day. Are you excited?”

“Mhm.” Evan nodded rapidly.

“You look like you’re gonna puke.”

“Yeah that’s just because I feel like I’m gonna puke.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t know!” Evan started pulling on his shirt. Jared pulled his hands away. “I’ve never been on a date. I’m nervous. I don’t know what you’re supposed to do.”

“Yeah.” Jared waved his hand. “Neither have I. Who cares? We don’t _have_ to do anything. It’s just like we’re hanging out.”

“Yeah except in fancy clothes at a nice restaurant and everyone will _know_ we’re on a date and they’ll be watching us and-”

“Dude.” Jared cut him off. “I promise you no one is going to be watching us. They aren’t gonna care because they’re all going to be on their own dates.”

“Yeah but-”

“Nope!” Jared held up a finger. “I will not hear any arguments on this topic.”

“But-”

“None!”

Evan sighed and stopped trying to argue.

“It’s gonna be fine Evan.” Jared squeezed his hand. “Quit worrying.”

“Oh gee what a revolutionary idea.” Evan grumbled.

Jared grinned. “I love when you get all sarcastic. You really know how to get me in the mood for romance.”

“Shut up.”

“You look uh… wow.” Jared said, raising his eyebrows as Evan stepped onto the porch. “I don’t even know what to say.”

“You know that’s the worst thing you could possibly say to me.” Evan crossed his arms.

“I mean that in the absolute _best_ way possible.” Jared stepped forward and kissed Evan. “You look really, really, really good.”

“Thanks.” Evan flushed which only made him look cuter. “You also look really good.”

“That’s two really’s short.”

“You look really, really, really, _really_ good.” Evan amended.

“Thank you.” Jared took his hand. “Let’s go.”

The date went… okay. At first. Jared spilled his drink and then dropped his fork twice. Evan spent half of the meal glancing around and tapping his fingers. Jared tried his best to distract him but he could tell Evan was too nervous to enjoy anything.

After Evan’s fourth deep breath in a row, Jared sighed and leaned back in his chair. “It’s really not a big deal.” He said softly.

Evan looked at him and Jared instantly regretted speaking. He looked so incredibly upset. Like he’d been worrying all night that he was ruining things and Jared had just confirmed it.

“Hey, I didn’t mean-”

“I’m sorry.” Evan shook his head, dropping his gaze to his lap. “I fucked it up.”

“ _No_. You didn’t.” Jared said quickly. “Nothing is fucked up. We’re having a good time.”

“No we’re not.” Evan swallowed hard.

He was right. Neither of them were having fun.

“We just-”

“Can I get you two a dessert menu?” The waiter appeared out of nowhere, apparently not noticing the tension. Or maybe just not caring.

“No thanks.” Jared waved him off. “Just the check please.”

“Sure thing.”

“Evan.” Jared reached across the table and grabbed his hand. “You didn’t ruin anything okay? I promise.”

“This sucks. It’s awkward and boring because of _me_.” Evan sounded dangerously close to crying. “How is that not me ruining it?”

“Because it’s not ruined!”

“I can’t do this.”

“Here’s that check.” These waiters must have taken a course on how to gauge when the most inconvenient time to show up was.

Jared stopped him before he walked away. “Here.” He shoved his card into the waiter’s hand.

“This was a bad idea.”

“The date or…” Jared trailed off.

Evan didn’t answer him directly. He took a shaky breath and said, “Why did we think we could do this?”

“Because we-”

Evan suddenly stood up and bolted from the restaurant. Jared sighed and slumped in his chair.

“And here’s your card for you sir.” The waiter set down the card and receipt. “Have a wonderful night.”

Jared grabbed his stuff and rushed out to the parking lot. Evan was leaning against the hood of the car.

“Hey.” Jared leaned next to him.

“I’m sorry I ruined our date.”

“It’s okay.” Jared didn’t try to argue that it wasn’t ruined.

“We can’t do this. I can’t do it. I’m not this kind of person.”

“So let’s not do this.” Jared said simply.

Evan frowned at him.

“Evan, this isn’t the only kind of date. If you don’t want to do fancy dinner dates surrounded by people we can just do something else. This is not the end all be all of relationships. You’re right. We’re not these kind of people. So let’s stop trying to be. Let’s have an us date.”

“What would that be?” Evan scooted closer to him.

“Whatever we want.” Jared shrugged. “We can go to the movies. Or we can cook dinner together at one of our houses. Or we can buy a shit ton of snacks and watch TV in your bed. It doesn’t matter. If we decide it’s a date then it’s a date. And I don’t care what we do.”

“You can’t cook.”

“I can cook.”

“I don’t think you can.” Evan laughed, wiping his eyes.

“Fine. For our do-over first date, I will cook you dinner.”

Evan smiled a little. “Okay.”

“Okay. Good.” Jared kissed him. “Stop beating yourself up or I’ll have to have a word with your brain.”

Evan laughed and leaned his head on Jared’s shoulder. “Please do.”

“Don’t think I won’t.” Jared warned. “I won’t have anyone making my boyfriend feel bad. Not even his own brain.”

So the next weekend Jared politely begged his parents to leave for the night so he could host a dinner with Evan.

They said no. But they did promise to stay in their room for the evening which Jared accepted.

“Welcome to chez a la Jared.” He waved Evan in. “The best restaurant in town.”

“None of those words means restaurant.” Evan commented, taking in the room. Jared had cleared off the dining room table and dragged out their fancy dishes. He was pretty sure he set the table wrong but he was also pretty sure Evan couldn’t tell.

“Whatever.” Jared grabbed his wrist and pulled him into the kitchen.

“Is the food almost ready?”

“Nope.” Jared ushered him onto a breakfast stool. “Haven’t even started.”

“What? I’m starving.”

“Well you’re in luck.” Jared gestured to the spread of dishes and ingredients on the counter. “Because today you have a front row seat to my world renowned cooking show.”

“Oh goodie.” Evan rolled his eyes. He propped his chin up in his hands. “What will you be making?”

“I will be _attempting_ to make this chicken parmesan from my mother’s collection of secret family recipes that I’m pretty sure aren’t family recipes at all.” He flourished a piece of paper with Mrs. Kleinman’s loopy writing on it. “And you know, probably a side of some sort. Now,” He clapped. “Let us begin!”

The cooking went okay. Jared dropped several things. Evan was constantly reminding Jared to wash his hands after touching the raw chicken. Jared threw a carrot slice at him. But an hour later dinner was made, the kitchen wasn’t burned down, and Evan had been smiling the whole time. So Jared counted that as a success.

They sat at the table and Jared poured soda into wine glasses for them.

“This is a much better date.” Evan said as Jared inspected his chicken to make sure it was fully cooked.

“Obviously.” He scoffed. “We do everything better than other people.”

“Yeah.” Evan smiled. “Other people suck.”

So now Jared knew how to plan dates without freaking Evan out. He knew that when they reached their anniversary (which was still a long while off and definitely not something he was thinking about) he would have to bring it up casually and phrase his question about plans in a very nonchalant manner. He was a pro by now.

“You wanna hang out this weekend?”

“Uuuuh,” Evan frowned in thought. “I think I’m hanging out with Zoe on Saturday but I’m free Sunday.”

“Movie night?” Jared dug through his backpack, looking for his history notebook.

“Sure.”

“Cool. I’ll see you later.”

“Bye.”

It was that easy. Evan didn’t even know it was a date until he got there half the time, which worked wonders for his pre-date anxiety. Jared thought he’d be over that by now. They’d been dating for two months. But he didn’t mind not having to explicitly ask Evan on a date every time he wanted to go on one.

“Ooh!” Evan perked up as they walked into the living room and he spotted the shopping bag full of candy Jared had got from the dollar store earlier. He rifled through it and pulled out a bag of m&ms. “Is this a date?”

Jared shrugged. “You want it to be a date?”

Evan poured some m&ms into his mouth. He nodded.

“Good. Cause it is.”

“What if I had said no?” Evan asked, moving to sit on the couch while Jared got them drinks from the kitchen.

“Still would’ve been a date!” Jared called. He returned and handed Evan a soda. “You just wouldn’t have known.” He sat down and kissed Evan’s temple.

“That’s shady.”

“You knew what you were getting into when you agreed to date me.” Jared said, grabbing the remote. “What should we watch first?”

“You pick.” Evan leaned into his shoulder.

Despite how shady Evan thought it was, Jared’s method worked. Evan never freaked out about dates when Jared didn’t treat them like they were serious. If Jared was casual about the invitation and acted like he didn’t _care_ if they called it a date, Evan had fun and wanted it to be a date. They never tried to have a serious one on one date after the first time. However, it didn’t take long before Alana was _insisting_ that they go on a double date with her and Zoe. And Jared knew that even though he and Zoe were similar in a lot of ways, Zoe was definitely a serious date kind of person.

Which meant Jared spent the half an hour before they were supposed to pick up the girls like this:

“Evan it’s gonna be fun.”

“It wasn’t fun last time!” Evan yelled through the door to the bathroom he’d locked himself in. “It was awkward and awful and bad!”

“That’s because it was just us though. And we’re both dysfunctional. This time Alana and Zoe will be there and they’re like… the most functional people we know.”

“I’m not going.”

“We promised them we would!”

“Why do you care?” Evan whined. “You didn’t even want to do this.”

“Yeah but I don’t want you to be terrified of the idea of going to a nice restaurant with me for your entire life!”

Evan opened the door. “It’s not you that makes me nervous.” He said softly.

“I mean… half of it is. But that’s not the point,” He waved his hand. “The point is, I don’t want you to miss out on stuff because you’re scared you’ll mess it up.”

“No I wanna talk about the other thing.”

“Too bad.” Jared grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the bathroom. “We were supposed to leave five minutes ago.”

“Jared.” Evan pulled him to a stop. “You were the only thing about that date that _didn’t_ make me nervous. I need you to know that.”

Jared flushed. “Okay. I understand. Can we please go now?”

Evan chewed his lip. “Fine.”

“It’ll be okay.” Jared took his hand. “It’s just like any other time we hang out with them.”

“Yeah except we’re all dressed up and that means there’s an expectation.”

So that’s how Jared ended up on his first double date wearing a t-shirt with a Gameboy on it. Evan had practically begged him _not_ to do it. (“This is _not_ what I meant by that!”) But Jared had insisted both because he knew Evan would stop worrying about his own behavior if he knew nothing he did would be more out of place than Jared’s outfit, and also because he really hated having to button up his button ups.

The date went well. They had a good time and they laughed and Evan was still nervous but he had fun too. And at the end of the night, after they dropped the girls off, Evan leaned across the center console and kissed Jared.

“Thanks for embarrassing yourself so I’d feel better.”

“Joke’s on you.” Jared grinned. “I wasn’t embarrassed at all.”

So it was okay but not the best. And that was okay too. Because Jared didn’t have any objection to never going on another dinner date again. He was right after all, they didn’t need to pretend to be anyone they weren’t.


	2. Don't Try to Make Him Stop Fidgeting

Jared had grown up with Evan. Which meant he’d watched him try every trick in the book to stop fidgeting. None of them worked. Not meditating. Not medi _cating_. Not chewing gum. Not supplements or music or “being aware of it” (which was a real tactic Evan’s old therapist had suggested.) It didn’t matter what he tried, when he was nervous or bored or extremely focused, he was going to fidget.

Jared didn’t mind. He was an avid leg shaker himself and Evan’s tapping was usually just background noise to him. He knew pointing it out was unhelpful. And he knew asking Evan to stop was even more unhelpful. So he didn’t.

However, there were a few specific fidgety habits Evan had that bothered Jared. Not because they were annoying but because they were self-destructive.

“I think I studied everything but I still can’t quite memorize the types of compounds.” Evan tugged on the bottom of his shirt.

The most minor offense in Jared’s eyes but still detrimental. Evan had stretched out the bottoms of several t-shirts and Jared knew he was annoyed at himself for doing it.

“Stop that.” Jared pulled his hands away. There was also a slightly selfish reason he always deterred Evan from that particular form of fidgeting. That being, Evan was wearing a lot of Jared’s own shirts these days.

“Huh?” Evan looked down. “Oh. Sorry.” He smoothed out the bottom of Jared’s shirt.

“Here.” Jared stuck his hand in his pocket and produced a small tin and handed it to Evan.

“What is this?”

“Silly putty. For all your stretching needs.”

“Why do you just have this?”

“Why do you ask so many questions?” Jared eyed him. “You a cop?”

Evan rolled his eyes. “Well thanks.”

Jared nodded. “Go take your test and kick its ass.”

“I think I did okay!” Evan said by way of greeting.

“Wow you mean you didn’t die _and_ get a zero?” Jared said sarcastically. “Who could’ve guessed.”

“Shut up.”

Jared smiled. “I’m glad you did good.”

“I said I _think_ I did _okay_.”

Jared waved him off.

“Oh here.” Evan held out the silly putty.

“Eh keep it.” Jared shrugged. “It doesn’t really help me. I need something solid.”

“Like those cube things with all the buttons?”

“Exactly.” Jared nodded, closing his eyes. “Imagine all the clicking. Mmmm.”

“You’re so weird.” Evan shook his head, putting the putty tin back in his pocket.

Then there was the nail biting.

Evan didn’t bite his nails a lot. But when he did, he ripped them all the way off and half the time ended up with bloody fingertips. Anytime Jared caught him with his fingers near his mouth he yanked his hands away.

“I wasn’t doing anything.” Evan mumbled when Jared grabbed his hand and aggressively laced their fingers together.

“Right.” Jared held up their joint hands and pointed to the one fingernail he’d already chewed down. He used his freehand to dig around in his backpack. He pulled something out and passed it to Evan.

“What is this?” Evan looked at the piece of metal in his hand.

“Uh I don’t know what it’s called.” Jared frowned. “It’s a fidget thing.” He picked it up and demonstrated how the metal rings flipped around each other.

Evan took it and tried. “Feels cool.” He muttered, dropping his hand into his lap and continuing to toy with it.

Jared smiled and allowed himself to turn his attention back to his homework.

The lip chewing was another one that Jared despised. He hadn’t really paid attention to it at first. But then he started to notice Evan complaining about the inside of his mouth always being raw and sometimes bleeding.

The solution to that one came after Evan made the inside of his cheek bleed and Jared joked that he was going to stuff his mouth with cotton.

Obviously, cotton wasn’t the solution. It was jawbreakers. He bulk ordered them online and at any given time he had at least three on his person.

It was harder for Jared to notice this habit. It didn’t require Evan’s hands and it was quiet. But sometimes he’d look over and see Evan doing it. So he’d reach into his pocket and silently pass Evan a jaw breaker. And Evan would turn pink because he knew he was caught before taking the candy. But it worked. He couldn’t chew up the inside of his mouth with a giant jaw breaker in the way. And when he was finished he’d usually either stopped fidgeting or found something else to do.

But the worst one, the absolute worst, was the picking.

Evan picked at his lips, his acne, scars from places he’d already picked. Anywhere with something to pick at, Evan picked at. Jared hated it. He hated that he could see Evan wince from pain while he did it. He hated that Evan was always upset afterward because he knew they’d leave scars. And he hated that half the time the picking ended up with Evan’s face bleeding. Not like it was gushing blood or anything but still.

So Jared had to find something, anything to occupy Evan’s hands when he caught him doing it. He tried not to point it out directly like he sometimes did with the others because he knew Evan was embarrassed about the picking. So he tried to be subtle. He’d ask Evan to hand him something. Or open something for him. Or he’d just hit Evan’s arm and hold his hand out until Evan held it. That was the best way to keep him from starting again but it wasn’t always practical.

So Jared developed a habit. Every day before he left the house, along with his jawbreakers, he shoved two of the cheap fidget toys he’d also bought in bulk into his pockets. And then whenever Evan was picking Jared, without looking up from whatever he was doing, would grab his hand and place something in it. A small squishy animal or a stress ball or a marble in a mesh tube. They were all weird and cheap. And they always made Evan frown at first. But then he’d close his hand around it and keep it away from his face.

These four habits didn’t happen quite as often as the tapping and the pen clicking and the leg shaking. But Jared let those ones be. He wasn’t any better about that stuff anyway.

“Why do you have so many of these?” Evan asked one day after Jared pulled his hand away from his shirt and handed him a squishy snake shaped thing instead.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“I _mean_ you’ve given me like twelve already.”

“Well…” Jared considered lying, but Evan would see through that. “I bought a bunch. They’re really cheap.”

“Why?”

“Because you do that all the time.” Jared pointed to his hand.

Evan lowered it from his face. “Okay but you could’ve just bought one.”

“Yeah but you always lose them. Or forget to bring them with you.”

“No I don’t.” Evan mumbled.

“Oh really?” Jared raised an eyebrow. “Okay. You said I’ve given you twelve? Where are they.”

“Um.” Evan scratched the back of his head. “There’s one in my locker.”

“Uh huh.”

“There’s a couple on my desk. I think there’s one in my jacket pocket and probably one or two in my backpack.” Evan thought for a moment. “I… don’t know where the rest are.”

“Exactly.” Jared snorted. “I knew you wouldn’t keep track of one and bring it with you all the time. And even if you _did_ , you wouldn’t remember to get it out and use it when you could just bite your nails. So I bought a bunch so I can just hand them to you when you need them and you can stop making yourself bleed.”

Evan stared at him for a long time.

Jared started to get fidgety himself. “What?”

“I don’t think anyone’s ever cared about me like you do.” He said finally.

Jared felt his face burn. “That’s not true. Your mom would do anything for you. She definitely cares about you more than anyone.”

“I didn’t say more than anyone else.” Evan said simply. “I said not _like_ anyone else.”

Jared didn’t know what to say to that. He had a lot of _thoughts_ about it. Like that hearing Evan say that made him feel a lot of swooshy things in his chest. Like that he was positive no one had ever cared about _him_ the way Evan did. Like that he’d spent his whole life being afraid no one would ever be able to love him and every day he spent with Evan made him believe a little more that someone could. That Evan could. Like that the reason he cared this way was because he loved Evan. Entirely and endlessly.

But Jared didn’t know if he could say those things out loud yet. He wasn’t sure he was ready to know what happened if he did.

“Well…” He said. “I…”

“You don’t have to say anything.” Evan smiled. “I know.”

And Jared wanted to say it anyway. But instead he just watched Evan resume writing his notes and sat with his feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love giving Evan all my own anxious fidgety habits


	3. He Will Not Admit How Much He Loves Pet Names. But He Does.

“Do you _have_ to do that?” Connor sighed, shooting Jared an annoyed look.

“What?” Jared asked innocently.

“The tapping.”

“Ooooh.” Jared nodded. “Yeah. I do.”

“You’re so irritating.” Connor huffed.

“Try dating him.” Evan said, half joking.

“Hey, you knew what you were in for.” Jared pointed at him.

“Fair.” Evan shrugged. “Sometimes I still wish you understood the value of silence.”

“You don’t date me for silence. You date me for entertainment.”

“I date you for rides to school.” Evan teased. His favorite joke since Jared had finally gotten his own car.

“You date me for rides on-”

“Jared!” Zoe warned. “Finish that sentence and I will vomit _on_ you.”

Jared cackled.

“I definitely _don’t_ date you for your sense of humor.” Evan shook his head.

“It’s all part of the Jared Kleinman experience babe.” Jared winked.

Evan blushed violently and stared at his food.

“Wait what just happened?” Jared leaned toward him, grinning. “Are you blushing cause I called you _babe?”_

“No.” Evan said, getting redder.

“You are!”

“Jared shut up.” Evan huffed.

“Okay fine.” Jared zipped his lips. Then he unzipped them and leaned down to whisper, “We’ll talk later.”

Evan elbowed him.

“So,” Jared said, sitting too close to Evan on his bed. “About lunch.”

“Leave me alone.”

“I just want to know if I should start calling you nicknames.”

“You should shut up and leave me alone.”

“I could call you honey if you want.”

“No.” Evan glared.

“Or sweetie.”

“Ew. My mom calls me that.”

“Or lover.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Or baby.”

Evan rolled his eyes.

“You didn’t say no!” Jared’s face lit up.

“Just drop it!”

“But you didn’t say no!” Jared was laughing and trying to pinch Evan’s cheeks.

“Jared quit it!” Evan shoved him a little too hard to be playful.

Jared stopped. “I was just teasing Evan.” He laughed softly. “Hey, I’m sorry. I won’t call you anything if it makes you uncomfortable.”

Evan let Jared pull him into his chest. “I didn’t say it makes me uncomfortable.” He mumbled.

“Okay.” Jared tried not to get excited. He didn’t want Evan to get embarrassed and annoyed again. “So do you _want_ me to use pet names?”

“I don’t know.”

“Evan it’s not a big deal either way.” Jared said softly. “If you don’t want me to I won’t. If you do, I will.”

“I don’t _hate_ them.” Evan admitted after several seconds of groaning.

“Noted.” Jared laughed.

“What about you?” Evan suddenly sat up.

“What about me?”

“I mean do you like them? Should I be calling you… whatever?”

Jared smiled and shook his head. “I don’t mind them. But mostly I just like when you say my name.”

“Oh.” Evan said extremely softly. “Well okay then.”

That night as they got ready for bed and climbed under Evan’s blankets, Evan kissed Jared before turning out the lights.

“Goodnight Jared.” He said.

Jared smiled. “Goodnight my little pumpkin pie.”

“I hate that a lot.”

Jared kissed him again. “You love it.”

“Hello muffin.”

“Ew.” Evan scrunched up his nose.

Evan had never specified _which_ names he liked. (Jared asked and Evan said, ‘I don’t know’ and turned red and then Jared laughed and Evan punched him.) So Jared googled a list of pet names and had spent the whole week trying out various ones. He was keeping a list of the acceptable vs the unacceptable.

So far he for acceptable he had: babe, baby (the acceptability was _strongly_ dependent on the way Jared said it), boyfriend (affectionately), and jellybean (Jared thought it would be an immediate no but surprisingly, Evan thought it was cute).

On the _not_ acceptable in any way, shape, or form list: angel, baby (in any other cadence than the one acceptable one), Casanova (“What the hell Jared?”), cupcake, dear (“You sound like a housewife.” “Maybe I _am_ Evan!”), good lookin (usually preceded by “what’s cookin”), gumdrop, hot stuff (“Do not!”), loverboy (“No.”), main squeeze (“I’m gonna be honest I think I hate that one the most.”), pookie (“I’m gonna vomit.”), sugar (“Nope.”), sweet thang (“Get away from me.”), and of course now, muffin.

“You’re so picky.” Jared huffed.

“You find the worst ones!” Evan crossed his arms.

Jared grinned. “If you just _told_ me which ones you like I wouldn’t have to try _all_ of them.”

“You still don’t have to try all of them.” Evan pointed out. “I already approved a couple.”

“Yes but I need to know all my options.”

“You’re exhausting.” Evan closed his locker and started to walk to class.

“Don’t be like that tater tot!”

Evan flipped him off before turning the corner.

“Are you still mad at me?” Jared asked as he walked up to Evan at lunch.

Evan smiled. “Depends on what name you call me.”

“Hmmm.” Jared thought. “Cereal bar.”

“Excuse me?”

Jared shrugged. “I forgot to consult my list.”

“Okay well cereal bar is a hard no.”

“You’re impossible to please jellybean.” Jared sighed in mock disappointment.

Evan flushed like he always did when Jared used one of the good ones. Jared smiled.

“Shut up.”

“Stop acting like you don’t love it.”

“I don’t have any clue what you’re talking about.” Evan said, taking Jared’s hand and dragging him toward the lunch table.

Jared called him ‘hot fudge sundae’ at lunch and got kicked under the table for it.

After school as they walked to the car, Jared stopped Evan. “Hey.”

Evan closed his eyes and waited for the name.

“Evan.”

“Oh.” Evan relaxed. “What?”

“Nothing.” Jared shrugged. “Just wanted you to know I still remember your name.”

“Liar.”

“I like embarrassing you with dumb nicknames.” Jared said, pulling his keys out. “But I kinda miss just saying your name.”

Evan stared at him until Jared waved his hand in front of his face and told him to get in the car.

“I kinda miss hearing it.” Evan said before turning and getting into the passenger seat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mushy nicknames make Evan w e a k but he will not admit that to Jared


	4. Learn to Recognize the Evan Hansen Signs of Affection

One of the most important parts of dating Evan was learning how to recognize the ways that he showed affection. Neither he, nor Jared, were really into the big sweeping romantic gestures. But other than that, they didn’t have a lot in common in terms of how they _did_ express affection.

In the beginning, it was hard. Jared felt like he was trying a lot harder than Evan was. There were a lot of small arguments, a lot of petty misunderstandings. A lot of Jared feeling frustrated because he was missing Evan’s signs.

Until he started looking for them. And then he felt stupid for not realizing Evan was constantly showing Jared how important he was. There were several ways Evan did this. Jared had compiled a list of the most common ones. He called it TIPS.

Touch

Jared and Evan’s singular shared love language was physical affection. But the way they went about it was very different. Jared’s strategy was to drown Evan in said affection every time they were alone. He was a little surprised himself at how much he enjoyed things he’d once assumed were gross and uncomfortable. Like cuddling, and playing with someone’s hair, and having someone else play with _his_ hair.

But Evan’s were subtler, more deliberate touches. Which was why Jared missed them at first.

The first time it caught his attention was during a heated debate with Connor. It had started out as friendly ribbing. And then mostly friendly arguing. And then they were nearly screaming at each other. It was stupid argument about grades versus intelligence, something Jared, an incredibly smart straight B student, was very passionate about.

“I’m not saying there’s no correlation!” Jared yelled. “I’m saying grades aren’t _definite_ indicators of intelligence.”

“But they kinda are. I mean, there’s different kinds of intelligence. If you can’t keep your grades up you’re lacking somewhere.”

“That’s such a bullshit argument!” If Jared wasn’t so riled up he might have figured out that Connor was mostly just trying to piss him off. “If I understand all the material but _choose_ not to do the homework, I’ll fail. But that doesn’t mean I’m not smart.”

“No one said _you’re_ not smart.”

“THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT THIS ARGUMENT IS ABOUT CONNOR!” He had more to say but he was stopped by Evan’s hand on his knee. He wasn’t sure why he noticed it this time in particular. It was soft. Evan just placed his hand on Jared’s knee and squeezed. Not telling him to shut up. Just reminding him to calm down. Jared noticed the tension he was holding in his shoulders.

Connor was talking but Jared wasn’t really listening. Evan was rubbing his back gently. Jared relaxed. He was still mad at Connor. But he was also realizing that he was wasting time arguing about this when Connor’s smile made it clear he just wanted a reaction.

When the bell rang, Evan tugged Jared back before he went to class.

“Hey. No one thinks you’re stupid Jared.”

“Of course they don’t. I’m a genius.”

Evan gave him a look.

Jared smiled. “Thanks.”

After that he started picking up on it a lot more. The little touches. On his arm or his back or his hand. Whenever he needed it.

And once he became aware of it, Jared was amazed at how much of a big deal they became to him. How much he needed them.

Jared had never been bullied. For most of his life he’d been sitting in a corner with Evan. No one really notice them, and when they did it was usually Evan that they focused on. But over the past year or so, Jared had been a little more vocal around school. He’d been living his life out loud, one could say. (In fact, Zoe did say it, constantly.)

Mostly it was cool. He started talking to some people in class and made a couple friends. He felt more comfortable being open about his relationship. And mostly it was cool. But sometimes…

“Hey!” Evan smiled as he walked up. “How did- what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Jared grumbled, twisting his lock too quickly and messing up his combination. He muttered, “Fuck.” And started over.

“You are… clearly upset.”

“I’m fine.”

“Jared.”

“I got called a f-” Jared clenched his jaw. “You know.”

“By who?”

“Doesn’t matter.” Jared shoved his stuff into his locker and slammed it. “Let’s go to lunch.”

“Hey.” Evan grabbed his arm and stopped him. “You’re clearly upset about this.”

“It’s fine. I don’t care. It’s just a stupid word.”

“Jared-”

“Let’s go.”

They went to the lunch table. Jared ignored Evan’s attempts to stop him.

They sat down and Evan greeted everyone for the both of them. Jared tried to pay attention to the conversations going on around him but he couldn’t. He just kept thinking about that kid and that word. And then Evan’s hand was in his. And his thumb was rubbing softly back and forth on Jared’s hand. And everything suddenly felt extremely heavy. Jared’s breathing got shaky and he put his head down on top of his arm on the table. He felt Evan start to move and squeezed his hand tighter.

“Um, would you guys give us a minute?” Evan asked.

Jared heard everyone get up, even Connor who grumbled about being kicked out of his own lunch table. And then it was just the two of them.

Evan didn’t try and say anything comforting. He just sat there, holding Jared’s hand and stroking his hair. Jared was sort of crying and sort of happy. It was very confusing.

Jared didn’t know how long it was before he finally sat up. He wiped his eyes and leaned on Evan’s shoulder. Evan shifted to put his arm around Jared.

“I should’ve punched him.” He said.

“Yeah.” Evan agreed. “But then you would’ve gotten in trouble. Besides,” He pulled Jared closer. “It probably made him angry that you didn’t react.”

“Probably. But I wish I punched him anyway.”

Evan smiled. “You can punch him next time you see him.”

“Don’t tempt me.” Jared mumbled. But he didn’t feel as bad about it anymore. It didn’t seem so big when Evan was there.

Interest

The second item on Jared’s “hey idiot Evan is trying to care about you” list was interest.

Evan was polite to a fault sometimes which is why Jared brushed this particular attempt off for so long. He’d been around Evan long enough to know that he’d always act interested in anything anyone was saying so they wouldn’t think he was rude. So for a while, Jared assumed that was the case with him too.

“What are you doing?” Evan crawled across the bed and dropped his chin onto Jared’s shoulder.

“Reading this thing.”

“What thing?”

“It’s a twitter thread from the author of that book I just finished. She’s answering questions about the characters and stuff and there’s a reply I want to read about my favorite one.”

“Hmmm.” Evan laid down next to where Jared sat cross legged. “Tell me when you’re done.”

Jared read in silence for a few minutes. Then he straightened up. “I’m done. What do you want?”

“What was the thread about?”

“I already told you.”

“Yeah but like,” Evan waved his hands. “Tell me about the character you like. And what she said and the book and stuff.”

Jared frowned at him. “Why?”

“Because just tell me!” Evan shoved him.

So Jared did. He had planned to continue to interrogate Evan after, but he got so wrapped up in his explanation of the interesting characters and complex plot, that he entirely forgot where the conversation had started. Evan sat up while Jared talked. He listened and nodded. He hummed and gasped in all the right places. He laughed when Jared made jokes. Occasionally he’d ask a question. But mostly he was quiet. Just watching Jared, listening intently.

And Jared didn’t really think anything of it.

But the longer they dated the more it happened. Evan asked him to explain things all the time. The movie he said he liked. A book he was reading. Something interesting he learned in class. The family drama his mother told him about.

At first Jared thought it was just Evan trying to be involved in his life, which was nice. But after a while he realized it was more than that. He was letting Jared talk about things he loved, because to Evan, someone asking questions and looking interested while he rambled about something he was passionate about, was an expression of love. It was something not a lot of people did for him. Granted, he did tend to ramble a _lot_ and usually about random things that weren’t necessarily anything of importance to him _or_ the listener. But too often these rants were met with eye rolls, or people half listening while checking their phones, disinterested fake smiles. Jared had been guilty of doing all of those things to Evan in the past.

So for Evan, the ultimate way to display that you value someone, was to let them, to _encourage_ them to talk about something they liked. And to give them your undivided attention.

And when Jared realized that he had to sit down for a while. Evan who spent most of his life being told to stop talking. Evan who had been told that _by Jared_. Evan who now went out of his way to seek out topics that interested Jared just to ask him about them. Well fuck, that was a lot.

Praise

Jared would rather die than admit it, but his favorite of Evan’s forms of affection by far was praise. This was another one that caused Jared to have a slight breakdown when he thought about it in relation to how Evan didn’t hear it very often so when he did it was a huge deal, and how he wanted to give that feeling to Jared too. But that was beside the point.

Jared had laughed it off at first. He came from a household with a doting mother so it wasn’t like he wasn’t _used_ to being told he did good. It was just usually a motherly thing. It took him a while to unassociated the two.

“How’d the test go?” Evan bounced on his toes. He looked very energetic for someone who’d been up all night helping Jared cram for his physics final.

“I obviously don’t know for sure,” Jared held up his hands. He smiled. “But I think I aced it.”

“Yes!” Evan hugged him. “I’m so proud of you.”

Jared snorted. “Gee thanks mom.”

Evan stopped hugging him so he could shove him instead. “Boyfriends are allowed to be proud too you know.”

Huh. Jared hadn’t considered that.

“Interesting theory.” He mused.

Evan raised his eyebrows. “You tell me you’re proud of me all the time.”

“Do I?” Jared frowned. “Oh my god I do.”

“You really don’t listen to yourself talk do you?” Evan laughed.

The more he thought about it, the more Jared realized he did tell Evan he was proud of him. Kind of a lot. But he’d somehow never made the connection that Evan could also be proud of _him_. Maybe it was because Jared’s “I’m so proud” moments were always about Evan overcoming his anxiety in some instance. Things Jared saw as a big deal, things to be proud of.

Getting an A on a test… that wasn’t an incredible feat that Jared deserved praise for. Was it?

“No.” Evan agreed when Jared brought it up again after school. “It’s not some incredible feat. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be proud. I don’t only have to be proud of huge groundbreaking things. It can be small things too.”

After that, well Jared wasn’t sure if he was just noticing it more, or if Evan picked up on his genuine shock that someone could be proud of him for anything, but Evan was suddenly showering him in praise.

It was big and loud when it needed to be. But mostly it was quiet. It was Evan grinning and telling him his presentation sounded super smart. It was Evan widening his eyes and touching Jared’s hair and saying his new haircut looked amazing. It was Evan _thanking_ Jared for tiny insignificant acts of kindness that he didn’t even notice half the time. Holding the door, taking something from Evan’s hands when they were full without him asking, waiting for him to catch up when he stopped to tie his shoe.

Just sprinkled around here and there. Thank you. You’re so smart. I’m proud of you. That was nice. You look good today.

Jared thought it was silly and lame and unnecessary. And he was also obsessed with it. It was also the most important thing in the world to him.

He wouldn’t tell Evan that. He’d always roll his eyes and say something snarky. But he figured Evan probably knew he liked it anyway. Because he kept doing it. And Jared kept loving it.

Sacrifice

This was Jared’s least favorite of Evan’s affections. Not because it wasn’t nice or didn’t make him feel good. He didn’t like it because Evan was always trying to sacrifice too much. Or things he didn’t need to. It made Jared feel guilty. Like he was taking things from Evan that he didn’t want to take. Sometimes it was sweet and harmless.

“Hey. What’s up with you?” Evan poked Jared’s face.

“Tired.”

“Mmm.” Evan nodded. “Same.”

“Come nap today after school.” Jared mumbled so none of their approaching friends would hear.

“Okay.” Evan squeezed his hand.

“Hey fellow gays.” Zoe greeted them.

“Fellow gay.” Jared nodded. Zoe and Evan started talking about something and Jared fell asleep standing up.

The bell rang, startling Jared awake.

“Shit I gotta run if I’m gonna make it on time.” Zoe grumbled. “See you at gardening!” She called.

“Oh I can’t today!” Evan yelled back. “I have plans!”

Zoe booed before rounding the corner.

“Oh I forgot you had a meeting today.” Jared rubbed his eyes.

Evan, Zoe, and Alana had joined a gardening club which Jared thought was adorably nerdy of Evan and embarrassingly nerdy of the girls. They met twice a week, including today.

“It’s okay.”

“No it’s your thing.” Jared waved. “You should go.”

“We don’t get penalized for missing meetings and I always go. I can miss one day it’s not a big deal. Besides I want to hang out with you.”

“Yeah but you-”

“I’ll see you after school.” Evan cut him off before slipping into his class.

And things like that made Jared feel all warm and fuzzy. Evan skipping out on little things where he wasn’t losing anything just to spend time with Jared. Or when he shared his food or let Jared pick the movie. That stuff was nice. But then there were the other times.

“Hey. Come over today.” Jared leaned against the locker next to Evan’s. “I have a ton of homework and I will not be able to survive unless I can take breaks and make out with you.”

“Oh.” Evan flushed. “I don’t know about today. I uh…” He broke off, looking at Jared’s face. “Okay. Sure.” He smiled.

Jared grinned.

The rest of the day Evan was acting weirder than usual. He was fidgeting more than normal and he kept glancing at Zoe.

Finally, Jared pulled him aside. “Why are you being weird?”

“I’m not. It’s just um… about today…”

“What?” Jared raised his eyebrows. “Do you have other plans?”

“No.” Evan said quickly. Then, “It’s not important.”

“No? Or it’s not important?”

“It’s not important.”

“What were your other plans?”

“It was just…” Evan pulled at his shirt. Jared tugged his hands away. “Remember that movie me and Zoe were talking about last week?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, she got us tickets to go see it after school.”

“What the hell? Why didn’t you tell me?” Jared frowned.

“It’s fine. We can go another day.”

“You can go today Evan. If I’d have known I wouldn’t have asked you to come over.”

“Yeah but you-”

“But nothing.” Jared said firmly. “You don’t need to cancel on a fun day with Zoe just to come over and watch me do homework dude.”

“Are you sure?” Evan asked. “She can always just take Alana.”

“She’s taking you. End of discussion. I’m uninviting you over. You’re not allowed in my house today. So you better go out with Zoe.”

Evan smiled slightly. “Okay. Thanks.”

“Don’t thank me for that you weirdo.”

Those were the times Jared didn’t like. And worse was when he didn’t find out what Evan was giving up until after it was too late. When he admitted to Jared the next day that his mom had made dinner for them and he went to Jared’s anyway. Or that he had plans early in the morning even though he facetimed Jared until five a.m. He didn’t know how many times it would take him ensuring Evan that he didn’t have to give up those things before Evan would tell him when he had other plans. So Jared just kept having to poke at him until Evan admitted whatever he was giving up for Jared. And then Jared would scold him for not putting himself first and demand he go do whatever it was. It wasn’t the best system but Jared had to work with it. Because that was one of the biggest ways Evan expressed affection.

Touch, interest, praise, and sacrifice. Those were the main four. But there were dozens of other smaller ways that Jared picked up on along the way. Like the way Evan always looked to see if Jared laughed at his jokes. Or how he refused to let Jared compliment him without returning the sentiment. Or the fact that even though he was usually on the receiving end, he always made sure to reassure Jared that he was a good boyfriend. And all of it together created Evan’s own complex language of affection that Jared wasn’t quite fluent in just yet. But he was learning. And he fully intended to keep learning until he understood every intricacy Evan’s love language had to offer.


	5. Be Gentle When He Needs It. But Understand He Doesn't Always Need It.

Jared was well aware that “gentle” was not exactly high on the list of words that describe him. But sometimes, people are put into situations and they learn to adapt. For Jared, the situation was dating Evan. He knew going into the relationship that Evan needed him to be gentle sometimes. And that was hard for Jared to do. So he worked on it.

Mostly he was decent at apologizing and reassuring Evan when his jokes went too far. And that was the majority of what his soft boyfriend responsibilities required.

But sometimes… it wasn’t so easy.

Sometimes Evan didn’t come to school and he texted Jared that he was feeling very bad. Not physically, he clarified when Jared asked. And so Jared would spend the whole day worrying until he could rush off as soon as the final bell rang and speed a little on the way to Evan’s.

“Hi.” Jared stepped into Evan’s bedroom and closed the door behind him. He’d been preparing to enter with a joke but it died in his throat when Evan looked up at him with tears running down his face. “What happened?”

“I just…” Evan shook his head.

Jared hurried to drop his backpack and kick off his shoes so he could crawl under the covers and hug Evan tightly. He stroked his hair and tangled their legs together and mumbled a bunch of nonsense about everything being okay.

“I hate myself.” Evan finally choked out.

Jared crushed him tighter to his chest. He knew what Evan was feeling and he knew absolutely nothing he could say would fix it. But he tried anyway. “I… I wish you could see yourself the way I do.” And god, if he could somehow show Evan that, he was sure he’d be okay.

“There wouldn’t be any difference.” Evan shook his head.

“There would. Evan you’re…” Jared paused, trying to think of a word big enough. “The sun. And the moon and all of the stars too.” He shook his head, even that didn’t feel like enough. “I wish we could trade places so you could see it.”

“I’d just see how much of a burden I-”

“Don’t finish that sentence.” Jared cut him off. “Don’t even _think_ the rest of that sentence. I love every ounce of energy I spend on you. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

“I’m too much work.” Evan mumbled.

“You are a lot of work.” Jared knew arguing that would be pointless. “But never too much. Never bad work. I love it. I love it even when you’re mad at me. I love it even when I have to worry about you all day and then see you like this. I love it even when you’re throwing up on the floor of a public bathroom and I have to crawl under the door.”

Evan laughed. And then he started sobbing violently. “All I do is ruin your-”

“Stop it.” Jared scolded. “Evan you’re insane if you think this relationship has made me anything other than entirely happy.” And he should’ve said it then. He should’ve told Evan he loved him. But everything felt very delicate right now. And what if Evan didn’t say it back? Was Jared supposed to leave him alone like this? Was he supposed to stay and pretend he was okay?

“I just feel so…” Evan sniffled. “Worthless.”

“I know you do.” Jared brushed some hair out of his face. “But you’re not. You’re so important. And good. And…” He trailed off. This was probably the worst speech ever. He’d never been good at this stuff. And now Evan _needed_ him to be good at it and he still wasn’t.

“Will you sleepover?” Evan asked quietly.

Oh. Maybe he wasn’t as bad as he thought. “Of course.”

“Even if your mom gets mad?”

“She’ll understand this.” Jared assured him. “Do you want to eat? Or watch TV or anything?”

Evan shook his head. “I just want to be sad. And lay here with you.”

“Okay baby.” He said in the acceptable tone. “We can do that.”

Evan fell asleep after he cried himself out. Jared laid awake, still running his hand through Evan’s hair, wishing he’d said it. It was just a word. There was no reason not to say it. He _did_ love Evan. So why couldn’t he just _tell_ him.

He shook Evan softly. “Evan. Hey.”

“Mmm?” Evan blinked sleepily at him. “What?”

Jared swallowed. He loved Evan. “You’re… hurting my leg.”

“Oh. Sorry.” Evan frowned and moved his leg over. “Better?”

“Yeah. That’s good.” Jared nodded as Evan settled back down and fell back asleep.

In the morning Jared woke up first. He shifted slightly and Evan groaned and rolled over.

“Hi.” Jared tousled his bedhead. “Do you feel better?”

“A little bit.” Evan said softly.

“Better enough to go to school?”

Evan shook his head aggressively.

Jared laughed. “Good. Cause it’s Saturday.”

Evan closed his eyes and sighed. “Dick.”

Jared kissed his cheek.

“Thanks for coming over. And staying over.”

“Of course my little jelly bean. I wouldn’t have rather been anywhere else.”

Evan scrunched up his nose at the nickname even though he loved it.

“Do you actually feel better or are you just lying to me?”

“I actually feel better.” Evan promised. “Not all the way. But a lot better than yesterday.”

“Good.”

Evan scooted over and wrapped himself around Jared.

“Are we not getting out of bed today?” Jared snorted.

“Not yet.” Evan mumbled. “Just a little longer.”

“Okay.” Jared sighed. “A _little_ longer. Then we go eat.”

But he would’ve laid there all day if Evan wanted him to.

There were other times though, when Evan _didn’t_ need Jared to hug him and let him be sad and hate the world. Sometimes, Evan was very melodramatic. And Jared needed to not put up with that shit.

“Evan. Get out of bed.”

“No.” Evan said through his tears. “I told you I don’t want to go anywhere.”

Usually, the sight of Evan crying was enough to bend Jared’s resolve. But not over this.

“I’m giving you five minutes to get up unless you want to end up at Denny’s in your pajamas.”

“Jared just leave me alone.”

“Four minutes and fifty seconds.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“JARED PUT ME DOWN!”

“Hi Heidi!” Jared called cheerfully as he walked through the kitchen, carrying Evan over his shoulder.

“Morning boys.” Heidi said with an amused smile. “Evan change his mind about breakfast?”

“Yep.” Jared grinned.

“No I didn’t!” Evan yelled. “He’s kidnapping me!”

“Aw.” Heidi turned back to the book she was reading. “Have fun with that.”

Evan pouted in the booth at Denny’s which was very immature of him.

Jared sipped his coffee. “I told you I’d make you go in your pajamas.”

“I hate you.”

“I gave you ten minutes to get up and get dressed. That’s _twice_ as long as I said.”

“Take me home.”

“No.” Jared perused the menu. “Getting five points off a presentation because you forgot a couple words is not reason to have a depression day.”

“You don’t get to decide when I have depression days.”

“Not over this.” Jared said firmly. “You know why? Because it’s not a big deal. I got a 42% on my first physics project. Did I let that bother me? No.”

“That probably should’ve bothered you a little.” Evan pointed out.

“Grades aren’t real Evan. They are not life or death and besides, you still got a B plus in the class. I’m not letting you ruin our first summer free from high school by moping over five imaginary points.”

Evan kept pouting but when the waitress came back he actually ordered.

“I’m not paying for this.” He said, once their food arrived. “I got dragged here against my will and therefore, don’t have my wallet.”

“That’s fine.” Jared rolled his eyes. “I’ll pay.”

“Thanks.” Evan stabbed at his pancakes. “I guess this was kind of nice of you.”

“It was very nice of me.”

“I mean… I explicitly told you I didn’t want to be here but… okay.”

“Shut up and eat your pancakes Hansen.” Jared pointed his fork at him.

Evan made a big show of sighing and forcing himself to take a bite. But by the end of the meal he was smiling and laughing and swearing to Jared that he was ready for the best summer ever.


	6. Learn How to Say "I Love You" Because He Needs to Hear It.

Jared was excited for summer. Days off he didn’t have to spend doing homework, a boyfriend he got to see _not_ at school, plus, making fun of Zoe for not having graduated yet.

When Evan had first started dating Zoe back at the beginning of junior year, Jared didn’t think he’d like her. And not just because of the weird feeling he got when he thought about her and Evan kissing. She just seemed like someone he wouldn’t get along with. So after Evan announced that they broke up a month later, Jared was relieved.

But Zoe kept hanging around anyway. And then her tall angsty brother started hovering too because he had no other friends. And then Alana showed up. Jared still wasn’t sure which one of them invited Alana to start having lunch with them. He honestly wasn’t even sure any of them did. But Alana was cool so he didn’t mind. He and Connor argued more than they didn’t but for the most part Connor was a silent friend so Jared accepted him.

Zoe was the one that threw him off. After finally accepting that she was going to remain a part of their group, Jared found himself talking to her here and there. And he was shocked at how similar they were. Zoe was probably the only person who could match Jared’s sarcasm. She was funny and she roasted Jared as often as he roasted her. And she had a giant beautiful house that she let them hang out at. So Jared liked her. Besides Evan, she was the one he talked to the most. And for the most part he enjoyed it. But sometimes she liked to stick her nose in his business.

“Okay I seriously have to go or I’m gonna be late for work.” Evan sighed. He’d started up his park ranger job again for the summer. Which sucked because, as Jared had said many times, if he was _gonna_ have a job he should at least have the decency to work somewhere where he could get Jared free food or something.

“Nooooo.” Zoe whined. “Don’t leave me alone with Jared.”

“I am a wonderful person to hang out with!”

Evan snorted.

“I don’t know why _you’re_ laughing sir.” Jared raised an eyebrow. “I’m the best thing that ever happened to you.”

Evan pulled his shoes on and looked over. “Yeah.”

Jared flushed and ignored the look Zoe gave him. She loved making fun of Jared for the rare moments Evan was the one making _him_ blush.

“I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

“Bye Evan!” Zoe called.

Jared walked him to his car just so he could kiss him before he left without having to hear Zoe’s comments about it.

He returned to Zoe’s room and flopped onto her bed. Her face appeared above his, grinning.

“So. How are things?”

“Good.” Jared shoved her away.

“And how are things with Evan?”

“Very good.” Jared sat up. “What do you want?”

“I was just wondering if you were gonna say the L-word any time soon.”

Jared opened his mouth and Zoe held up her finger.

“Do not quote Scott Pilgrim at me right now Jared.”

Jared closed his mouth.

“Come on, you guys have been dating for like five months now.”

“Yeah I know that.” Jared huffed. “But I’ve never said it to anyone and I just don’t know if I can say it… out loud.”

“Okay and I get that.” Zoe moved to sit in front of him on the bed. She crossed her legs. “But you’re going to college at the end of the summer. And it’s gonna be hard for Evan. And I think it’ll be a lot harder if he doesn’t even know if you love him.”

“I don’t know Zoe.”

“I mean… you do love him.” It wasn’t a question.

“I don’t think I can say it first.” Jared said quietly.

“Okay but you _know_ Evan can’t say it first. Especially not to you.”

Jared groaned and flopped onto his back again.

Zoe’s voice was soft. “You’ve been loving him in silence for a long time Jared. He needs to hear it now.”

Jared didn’t ask how she seemed to know exactly how long Jared had been feeling this way. He knew she was right. It was shocking they’d made it this long without Evan freaking out about their future. And now the future was rapidly approaching and Evan needed to know that Jared loved him while they were at different colleges. He needed to know.

Evan often got off work around dinner time and with his mom working nights, he usually found himself at the Kleinman household for dinner. But when he didn’t work, Jared would go to his house and they’d order food and play video games. And then they’d end up watching TV until late into the night and sometimes Jared would go home but mostly he’d stay over.

“Evan?” Jared’s mouth was dry. “I need to talk to you.”

Evan immediately stiffened. “What?”

“No. I’m sorry.” Jared wrapped his arms tighter around him. They were sitting on the couch watching cartoons under the blanket Jared had never taken back from Evan. “It’s not bad.” He promised.

“Oh. Okay. It’s just that’s usually how people start out bad things.”

“No I know. Sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

“What is it then?”

Jared felt like his chest was shrinking and constricting his lungs. “Never mind.” He shook his head. “It’s not important.”

“No tell me.” Evan frowned.

“Really it’s nothing.”

“Jared, I can tell something is wrong. Please just tell me.” Evan looked so upset. “If I did something or-”

“I love you.” Jared said quickly.

Evan stopped mid rant. “You uh… what?”

“You heard me.” Jared mumbled.

“No I- Jared. Say it again. Please?”

Jared sighed. He forced himself to look at Evan. “I love you.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“One hundred percent sure?”

“ _Yes_ Evan.”

“I love you too.”

Jared smiled. He kissed Evan and Evan kissed him right back. Evan pulled back slightly and he was laughing and hugging Jared and Jared thought he could die right then and it would be okay.

They settled back into the couch, Jared’s hand in Evan’s, feeling exactly the same and totally different at the same time. Jared felt completely at peace with the universe. And then Evan ruined it.

“What do you think the odds are that we make it through college?”

Jared blinked. “Are you asking me to tell you how likely I think we are to break up?”

“I’m not saying I think it’s likely.” Evan shrugged. “I was just wondering.”

“Well… dude I don’t know!”

“Okay.” Evan picked at his face.

Jared sighed and pulled his hand away. “I think there’s a twenty-seven percent chance we break up.”

“That’s an awfully specific number.” Evan hummed. “Why?”

“I think there’s a ten percent chance that you let your anxiety get the best of you and don’t trust that I still love you and we fight and break up. And I think there’s a ten percent chance that I start feeling insecure but I don’t talk about it so I just get distant and closed off and we fight and break up.”

“Okay.” Evan nodded. “That’s only twenty.”

“I think there’s a four percent chance that it’s a combination of the two. A two percent chance it’s something else entirely. And a one percent chance that we break up amicably.”

“Pretty low chance of a semi-happy break up.”

“Yeah.” Jared glanced at him. “I think if we break up it’ll be painful.”

Evan nodded in agreement.

“But,” Jared squeezed his hand. “I think there’s a seventy-three percent chance that we communicate effectively and remind each other that we love each other and make it through okay.”

Evan smiled. “I like those odds.”

“Me too.”

“Jared,” Evan shifted to lay his head on Jared’s shoulder. “Will you say it again?”

Jared rolled his eyes even as he smiled. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”


End file.
